Outrage as Parent Refuses to Give Stepdaughter the 'Spare Bedroom'

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The internet has slammed a woman who is refusing to let her stepdaughter take a bigger room after her son moved out because she wants to keep the room empty in case he ever comes back home.

In a post shared on Mumsnet last Wednesday under the username Met82, she explained that the blended family, including her husband, 25-year-old son, and 17-year-old stepdaughter, lived together peacefully under one roof for over 10 years, but now an argument has come up.

About three months ago her son, who used to have the biggest room in the house even though he only slept there twice a week for the past two years, moved out to live with his girlfriend. Her husband then thought it was time to give his daughter the bigger room since it was now empty.

But the poster, who was later accused by her husband of having "empty nest syndrome," was "100 percent against this."

She said: "My son has only just moved out 3 months ago and although my fingers are crossed that everything works out fine for them what if it doesn't and he has to move back in. I don't want him feeling that his room is no longer there."

According to Psychology Today, empty nest syndrome refers to the distress and other complicated emotions that parents often experience when their children leave home.

It is not a clinical disorder or diagnosis, and people often feel less distress once they understand that parenthood, is just one piece of a lifetime identity.

Laura Richardson, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist at Turn the Mind, LLC, told Newsweek that what matters most is a decision-making process where everyone is heard and respected and the decision is made as a family.

She says there are a few important questions that need to be asked first, for example if her stepdaughter cares about whatever room she's in and if her son minds if she takes his old room.

'Calm Conversation'

"My oldest son, for example, had the best room and didn't want anyone in it, but my middle child wanted his room when he went to college. We allowed space for a calm conversation with everyone involved and figure out a solution that worked for all parties (2 years leaving the room as it was, and then the younger child could have it).

"Each family can figure out a solution that works for them, this was our solution. If the stepdaughter wants the room, what might the process be if the son moves back in? Ideally, the family can plan for this possibility ahead of time, to prevent hurt feelings."

She added that discussions like this are difficult at first, but the more you communicate, the less of a chance of hurt feelings or people feeling left out of the loop.

Most of the 364 comments in the thread as well as 98 percent of the people who voted on the Am I Being Unreasonable poll, thought that she was not being reasonable at all.

One user, iratepirate commented: "If your son has moved out, I don't think you need to keep the old room as a shrine to him. Surely it makes more sense for the [stepdaughter] to use a larger room and keep the smaller room for occasional guests. Is it worth speaking to [your son] to give him a heads-up?"

And fdgdfgdfgdfg added: "You're being completely unreasonable. Why on earth should your stepdaughter have to stay in the small room just on the off chance your son moves back to yours? He's not even a kid, he's 25!"

Takealettermsjones asked: "[You Are Being massively Unreasonable]. If it were the other way around i.e. your [Husband]'s child had moved out and your son wanted some more space, are you certain you wouldn't be arguing for him to be able to take the bigger room?"

And WhatAboutGiraffes wrote: "[You Are Being Unreasonable] he's 25 she should have had the bigger room years ago when he went to uni."

Newsweek wasn't able to verify the details of the case.

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